a reminder for the mom who struggles…you are powerful…you are mom

May 7, 2013 By

 

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“Mom,” he paused, “You know what?  You are the most pretty and powerful mom in the whole wide world.”  His sweet, heart-felt words came out of the clear blue, yet breathed life into my weary soul that day.  I certainly wasn’t “feeling” very pretty.  Hair pulled back, no make up, weary eyes from lack of sleep and in need of another cup of coffee, I felt immensely drained…tired.  And, as far as powerful – I struggled with deep feelings of failure in even keeping up with life.  Laundry had no end.  Too much to do with too little hours in the day.  I battled to keep it all afloat but felt like I was in sinking sand.

I knew the truth.  I knew that reality said I certainly was NOT “the most pretty or powerful mom in the whole wide world.”  But to him, I was.  And that’s all that really mattered.  The reality that spoke hope into my very being.  That made me lift my head.  That brought a  surge of renewal to my battle with defeat.  “Maybe I am making a difference,” I whispered to my soul, “maybe I am leaving a positive and lasting impression on their young lives.”

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His words reminded me that God had a plan in bringing our family together.  I was destined to be their mom.  Dawson’s mom.  Noah’s mom.  Gracie’s mom.  No one else could be their mom like I could - however imperfect and flawed that might be - He was the One who brought it all together with incredible timing and flawless design.  His plans indeed are perfect.  There is truly nothing that brings me greater joy – than to be their mom.  “Just a mom.”  I hear that phrase sometimes and I wonder where it came from.  What do you mean “just” a mom?  What better, more powerful, more influential job in the whole wide world could one ever possess than being called “Mom”?

“Mom.”  I hear it all through the day in different tones and styles.  Sometimes in a whisper or spoken gently, quietly, sometimes in a conversation, sometimes yelled out when help is needed, sometimes desperate, sometimes giggled, sometimes with tears, sometimes with sheer excitement waiting to unfold some spectacular news, and sometimes even spoken with the finest “whine” – but always the same wonderful word.  “Mom.”  Yes, I am “Mom.”

I was reminded that day…

It doesn’t matter to them that I’m not the best chef.  They like my all too frequent chicken dishes and my mac and cheese.  One of them even said to me the other day, “Mom, you make the best peanut butter and jelly sandwiches ever!”  So there.  That sealed it.  I am a good “chef” to them.

It doesn’t matter that our house is not always the cleanest or the most tidy.  We LIVE here.  And I remind myself, there’s always time for the clean house later in life, when the rooms are empty, and the sound is too quiet.

It doesn’t matter if their rooms don’t look like a page straight out of a magazine.  It is our space in this world, occupied by just “us” – family, and that’s what brings the most JOY.

It doesn’t matter if I’m not wearing the latest styles or trends.  Or that I’m not the most talented mom in the world.   They still call me “mom.”  Their love is forever and sees past the pressure we put on ourselves to stay up with what everyone else is doing.

Dear sweet moms who feel like you’re not good enough…who are struggling to keep it all together…stop comparing yourselves.  Your children want you.  Only you.  Not the mom in the magazine.  Not the mom on Pinterest.  Not the mom on the blog.  Not the mom on TV.  Not the mom in the office.  Not a stressed out mom that doesn’t feel like she has enough time to get it all done.  Not a discouraged mom who is desperately trying to be more like someone else.  They want simple, wonderful, powerful, pretty – YOU.

You, and only you, are the best mom for your child.  You have the power to make a difference in the world through the lives of these young children you raise.  You have the influence to remind them daily of who they are – of “whose” they are.  You have the ability to unleash mighty warriors in future years - those destined to be a strong and positive presence in a dark culture.  Your children need you.  They need time with you.  God arranged it perfectly that way.  You are uniquely created to live the life that only you have the power to live.  You are enough.  You are more than enough – through the greatness of our Savior.

Stop the negative self talk that drives you to compare yourself with others.  Be free to be yourself.  Remind yourself today of how God sees you, of how much your children need you.  Look in the mirror and say it out loud.  “I am pretty.  I am powerful.  I am the best mom in the world - for my kids.”

You are powerful in the life of your child.  You matter.  Don’t ever forget.  You are blessed to be “Mom.”

“Her children and her husband stand up and bless her…” Proverbs 31:28

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Great Giveaways for Mother’s Day Week – Don’t Miss Out!

May 6, 2013 By

Want to win this beautiful hand painted canvas art piece, compliments of my sweet friend Elizabeth Bass from Truth Be Told Art?  It’s amazing!  And I know it would look great hanging in your house!  Check out all that they do at – www.truthbetoldart.com.

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Or what about this great devotional book by Sarah Young, Jesus Calling?  It’s my favorite and I’m giving it away today – so be sure to check out the post on facebook for how to win.

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Or you might like one of these hanging in your home?  Details on how to win one coming this week!

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For your chance to win some great gifts this week at Fresh Day Ahead – go to the Facebook link https://www.facebook.com/DebbieWebbMcDaniel to “like” the page – that will get you into each drawing!

Other great gifts coming your way this week and over the next 4 – it’s not over yet!  Blessings to you all – have a wonderful week and thank you so much for being a part – love to celebrate you!

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What Parents of Special Needs Kids Want the World to Know

April 15, 2013 By

 

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Let’s face it.  Some days, parenting is just tough - for any of us.  But parents of kids with special needs face not only the normal day to day challenges that we all work through, they tackle different challenges as well, they strive to overcome new and constant hurdles along the way.  Though there are many days that bring great joy, raising special needs kids adds an extra layer of complexity to the parenting journey.

Though specific guidelines defining “special needs” varies by state – most classify those with special needs under the umbrella of a vast degree of scenarios.  “Children with special needs may have mild learning disabilities or profound cognitive impairment; food allergies or terminal illness; developmental delays that catch up quickly or remain entrenched; occasional panic attacks or serious psychiatric problems.”

There are many blessings and there are many challenges.  Through time, life may become established routine – but they live with a different normal that most of us cannot fully understand – it becomes their new normal.  Although every special needs child is different and every family is unique, there are some definite common bonds and concerns that link these parents together.   Parents of children with special needs are often more flexible, compassionate, stubborn and resilient than other parents. They have to be.  They’ve learned to be.

I’m certainly no expert, but like many families, we have faced a few unique scenarios in parenting our 3 treasures from God.  For help with this post, I asked a few parents, who deeply understand the incredible challenges of raising a child with special needs, Sharon – Brianne’s mom, Monica – Sam’s mom, Diane – Will’s mom, Veronica – DJ’s mom, and Darin – Zane’s dad, among others, who were willing to openly share their hearts, lives, and wisdom.  Thank you my dear friends for your inspiration.  Your lives – and your children - continue to make a lasting difference in this world.

What Parents of Special Needs Kids Want the World to Know:

1.  We know the pain of “loss.”  ”Parents of special needs children are not “special,” most of us came to this place not by a choice of our own.  When people say, “God must have known that you could handle having a special child…I don’t think I could have.”  That is not a comfort to us.  You learn to accept what you’ve been given as a “gift from God” but it doesn’t mean that we don’t still grieve what “could have been.  It’s hard to watch a 2 yr. old begin to learn the things our 6 yr. old could not do.  We so wish we could one day see him graduate from school, get married,  find a great job – but it often feels so unattainable.  There is a deep ‘letting go’ that begins to come into life – as you move forward and God begins to heal the pain, but it never makes the process easy.”

2.  We love it when people reach out to our kids.  “Just like any parent, we want others to acknowledge our special child.  Stop staring , stop walking  away and start smiling.  Special needs children are such a blessing!  You can talk to them, even if they don’t talk back.  Nothing touches a parent’s heart more than when others express love and concern for our children.  It brings great joy when the neighbor kids show up on our doorstep because they want our son to go hang out with them – because they actually think he’s a really neat kid.  He is!”

3.   Sometimes we are tired.  “Being a special needs parent is a tiring job!  There are many sleepless nights and more doctors appointments than one can count.  If we aren’t meeting all of the social obligations that some expect, we ask for your kindness in letting us off the hook.  We are often doing the best that we can just to keep our heads above water.  Not only are we grateful for grace being extended, any help along the way is truly appreciated as well.”

4.   Sometimes we need help.  “If you see a mom struggling, consider offering a helping hand, not a sneer or a dirty look.  It means more than you could ever know to have someone kindly extend help.  Just the simple things mean so much - taking a meal, sending an encouraging note, offering childcare for a parents’ night out, helping with housework, running an errand, asking if there’s anything you can pick up at the grocery store, and above all else, praying.  No act of service or kindness is too small. Often what requires little effort on your part will have a big effect on the recipient of your kindness.”

5.  Sometimes we feel judged.  “As parents of these kids, though it may not be another’s true intention, we sometimes feel so judged.  The stares, the pointing of fingers, the whispers about our scenario…we long for acceptance as parents, as well as for our kids. We are truly doing the best we can.  There may be a reason for the melt downs, one that others may not understand.  And believe me, if we could control it, we would!  We’ve had to process through many emotions, “What did we do wrong?  What should we have done differently?”  “Did I not keep myself healthy?”  We’ve asked ourselves all of the health questions.  But some things in life are just out of our control, no matter what we do, and how hard we’ve tried.”

6.  Sometimes we feel lonely.  “Families like us often find ourselves isolated; and unfortunately the divorce rate is particularly higher for couples with special needs children.  Friendships enrich our lives, that is true for all of our families and special kids as well.  But sometimes I feel like an outsider.  We try to host people in our home frequently, but we are much less frequently hosted in other people’s homes.  Perhaps people feel unsure about having someone different in their homes.  Perhaps life is just too busy sometimes.  But it means so much to have families take an active interest in our lives.”

7.  Sometimes we feel pain from hurtful words.  We are human.  We are parents.  ”The words like ‘retarded,’ ‘short bus,’ as well as others, seem uncaring, disrespectful, and heartless.  Add to those thoughts the fact that you may be referring to our innocent child, it just hurts.  Hopefully we can teach all of our kids, the way to be kind and reach out lovingly by our own positive words, affirmation, and examples.”

8.  Sometimes we feel fear.  We have to ask ourselves the tough questions.  What if we weren’t here anymore?  Who would take care of our special child?  Sometimes I’ve felt the fear of what if I forget a medicine, forget a treatment, miss a symptom???  I’ve woken up at night – feeling afraid – I run to check on him.  I’ve gone to sleep at the bedside of my child – watching him breathe – making sure he was still O.K.  I’ve prayed that God would protect my child from cruel words, from unkind people.  I know I can’t be with him all of the time and it makes me feel afraid, though I long to have some time away to feel refreshed.  It’s draining – it’s hard to feel afraid for those we love so dearly.  God is continuing to help me learn to trust Him for the care and protection over my child.”

9.  We don’t want you to feel afraid of us.  “My child may look differently, act differently, talk differently – but he is a wonderful little person to take the time to know.  You don’t have to be afraid of him and please don’t be afraid to ask about the disability.  If it’s been a hard day, please understand if I don’t say much.  But, we will not be offended if you ask, in fact, our child may tell you all about it himself.  Some special needs kids have become quite the experts.  Kindly remember, my child’s condition is not contagious.”

10.  We have learned to see things through God’s eyes.   ”In the eyes of the world, something is wrong with my son, some may say he is just not normal.  But through this, I have learned so deeply, how God’s love for us is UNCONDITIONAL.  It’s not about what my child does or doesn’t do.  I love him - just the way he is.  I am convinced that often our special needs kids have deep spiritual encounters.  Sometimes I believe that they have had a glimpses of heaven, of angels, that most of us will never have here on earth.  That not only challenges me but makes me thank God so much for His love and care over us.”

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Raising Kids with a Warrior Heart – 10 Things

April 10, 2013 By

I treasure the moments when he would come down the stairs first thing in the morning, sleepy eyes, disheveled hair, superhero costume on, and say, “Mom, I might have to save someone today.”  Then he’d sit down for breakfast and drink his chocolate milk.  smile.

Our world today is faced with many challenges.  The great warriors of tomorrow live in our house today.  They wear Batman clothes, eat lots of snacks, and climb trees.  We have the awesome challenge of raising them – to be world changers.

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Warrior.  By definition it means - ”a brave or experienced fighter or soldier, one who is engaged aggressively or energetically in an activity, cause, or conflict.”

There you have it.  Truth to live by.  This is what our world needs today.  This is what will carry our nation into tomorrow.  True warriors.  And, in case you’re wondering, not only boys can be warriors – girls have amazing warrior spirits too.  I know one – she calls me “mom.”

But often in our quest to nurture and protect the young lives God has entrusted to our care – something gets squelched.  “Don’t do that, you might get hurt!” we yell from out the back door.  “Get down from there, you might fall.”  “Let me do it for you.”  “Be careful.”  “Slow down.”  “Stop doing that.”  “You can’t…you should…you could…”

Of course, sometimes, we NEED to say some of those things!  We are the parent, the one in charge, we need to provide protection and maintain control.  But over the years, I found that in my quest to protect, I may have said some of those things – a lot.  I may have actually been ”over-protecting.”  I may have tried to do too much for them, not allowing them to stretch their wings, learn, and fly on their own.  Through time, I have eased up, warrior hearts are allowed to thrive – to grow – to be challenged – to be strengthened.  And though we are still growing, maturing, and learning – I sometimes think about what a true warrior should look like through the heart of a child.

So, what are the qualities of a great warrior?  What can we nurture?  What are some things to be aware of as we challenge our kids onward in this battlefield called life?

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10 Things:

1.  A warrior is brave.  Courageous.  A warrior understands that he may still “feel” afraid, but will never allow fear to hold him back.

Let your kids try hard things.  Let them take risks.  Foster a sense of adventure.  It’s OK if they fail.  Allow them to experience that – and move forward.  Encourage.  Equip.  Challenge.

JUMP!

2.  A warrior is strong.  It goes deeper than physical strength.  A true warrior heart is one of strength.  He understands that his greatest strength comes from God.  He doesn’t strive with his own efforts.  His spirit is strong.  He is mentally sharp.

Foster good health habits in your family - physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  Remind them that God doesn’t look at the outside, He looks at the heart.  The greatest strength and beauty are reflected from within.

3.  A warrior is humble.  He recognizes his need for God to cover his life, to renew him every day, to walk with him through this journey.

It’s OK to be happy with a job well done.  But often as parents, we tend to even “over-do” the praising of our kids out of our heart to encourage them.  Focus on their efforts, more than on their successes.  Remind them that all that we are – every gift – every talent – comes from God.

4.  A warrior stands for Truth.  He is wise.  He is aware.  He will not compromise Truth.  He speaks up for what he believes in, he honors God with his life.  The best warriors start their day on their knees – before God.

Teach them the Truth.  Let them speak what they believe, let them learn to process problems and difficulties.  Pray for them – pray with them – point them to our great God.

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5.  A warrior defends those who cannot defend themselves.  A warrior fights for others.  A warrior helps those in need.

Give them ample time every day to “save” someone!  Let them role play.  Let them be creative.  Let them be superheroes and play good guys/bad guys.  Provide opportunities where they can learn to help someone who needs help.  Teach them to open the door for others, to serve, to defend.

6.  A warrior is determined and loyal.  He will not quit when things get tough.  He will stay steady, he will endure, he will finish the race.  He believes in God’s purposes for him.  He knows God has great plans to work through his life.

When opportunities arise that make them want to quit something - perfect – teaching moment is at hand – don’t let them quit!  Challenge them to stick it out till they meet the goal.  Give them a chance to play sports.  Emphasize the importance of teamwork, rather than just winning the game.  Teach determination, stamina, the importance of running the race until the finish line.  It’s not how fast you run in life that’s so important – it’s that you strive to finish well.

7.  A warrior has integrity.  He is honest.  He is trustworthy.  He does not lie. He will not seek the praise of people, but will always speak the truth, in love.  He will show compassion.  He will extend grace to those around him.  His life reflects mercy and forgiveness.

Be the same you are at home as you are around others.  We should let them see true integrity modeled through our lives.  We can never be perfect, but really I don’t think our kids even expect us too.  They simply want us to be real.  Ask forgiveness when you blow it. 

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8.  A warrior has self-control.  He portrays discipline.  He is careful with his words.  He will listen to instruction.  He will be aware of the needs of others.  He will not act out in anger, but will rely on God’s help to show him the best way to fight the battles of this world.  A warrior knows when to walk away and when to stand and fight.

Help them learn to make peace with one another.  Don’t feel the need to jump in to solve every disagreement or fight.  Sometimes I let them work through it.  And if they can’t – you’ll know!  Help them to know how to deal with and resist temptations.  If we don’t tell them what to do when they encounter tough choices, the world will. 

9.  A warrior is a hard worker.  He is willing to do the jobs that no one else will do.  He always does his best, knowing that he is called to please God in his work, and not people.  He is willing to lead when God calls him to lead.  He is willing to follow when God calls him to follow.

Let them work!  Resist the urge to do everything for them.  They may not do it just like you and that’s OK.  Give them their assignments and have consequences in place for unfinished work, or lack of effort.  This can be so tough at times to stay consistent with in our house – but I’m determined.  Provide them opportunities to be the leader over something.  Let them understand the responsibility of having others depend on them. 

10. A warrior gives.  He gives freely to those in need.  He gives to those who ask.  He is not selfish.  His life manifests the true spirit of giving through time, energy, and resources.

Let them give towards a cause.  Provide opportunities to serve.  Help them learn to give.  Adopt a child to support monthly through a ministry like Compassion International.  Let them do a work project for a neighbor – for no pay.  Teach them the importance of tithing.  Go on a mission trip or service project – together – as a family.

So thankful God has given us 3 brave and tender-hearted warriors to raise in this world.  This is a job I don’t take for granted and I don’t take it lightly.

Our country desperately needs this next generation to stand up for Truth and lead our nation forward in the years ahead.  May we be the parents who raise a generation of warriors for God.

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”  Joshua 1:9

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Raising Children Wisely in a Sex-Crazed World

March 26, 2013 By

I struggled.  Secretly.  For years.  In my teen years through to my early 20′s, I fought a constant battle on the edges of an eating disorder.  It took me years to admit the problem was even there, that it was ever really an “issue.”  But the classic symptoms prevailed during that time - insecurity, low self-esteem, obsession with calorie counting and exercise, eating in secret, the list goes on.  By the sheer grace of God, He set me free from this battle before I tumbled further down its slippery slope.

Maybe that’s one reason why the recent news about Victoria’s Secret targeting young teens in its new marketing line, Pink, bothered me so much.  It struck a chord…deep within my soul.  I remembered.  It took me back to the years of what it was like being a teenager – one who desperately wanted to fit in, be accepted, and look as perfect as the magazines said I should look.  The problem was – I was me.  Forever imperfect.  Flawed.  Weak.  And that’s where things can get messy.

Now, years later, I know who I am in Christ.  I am confident in Him.  I know I’m not perfect, I know I am flawed, I know I’m in desperate need of my Savior.  That is the very truth that set me free to really LIVE!  That is the reality of what I hold onto every day.  But often that knowledge comes over time, revealed bit by bit, to a heart who seeks after God.  Our young daughters and sons may not yet live with that deep spirit conviction.  That’s why we are there – to parent them – protect them – teach them - raise them to make wise choices.  Our main role in life during these years is not to be their best friend!  We need to wake up.  We need to live in awareness.  We need to set boundaries.  We need to be present.

There’s a desperate battle over our children today - over our marriages – over our families.  We have a very real enemy in this world.  And his utmost goal is to destroy.

My heart goes out to so many young people who live as I once did.  Still searching for significance.  Forever longing to fit in.   Hearing mixed messages and trying to make sense of it all.  Victims to the bombarding media onslaught of who they should be, how they should live, and what they should look like.  Constantly facing the intense battles of this sex-crazed world in which we live.

As parents we can’t be there 24/7 to watch our children’s every move and protect them from each potential battle – it’s crazy to think we could and incredibly stressful to even try.  But there are definitely some things we CAN do to help raise our sons and daughters to walk wisely and confidently in this world today.

1.  Be aware.  Know what they are watching.  Know who they are texting.  Know what they are listening to.  Know who their friends are.  Know what they are wearing.  Know what they are reading.  Know who their social network followers are.  Know what they are “into.”  Know who they look up to.  Know what games they’re playing.  There is simply just no time whatsoever to ”check out” when you’re a parent.  If you’re not good at technology – get good.  Learn it.  Surprise your kids with how smart you really are.  Our kids, at all ages, need us to be aware of their lives.  Keep the computers and TV’s in common family places.  Know the passwords of the cell phones, accounts, and electronics.

2.  Listen.  Keep communication open, honest.  Give them time to talk.  Sometimes as parents, we need to stop talking so much and just listen. (ugh, talking to myself here!)  Be OK with some silence before deeper, heartfelt words come.  Help them learn how to work through tough problems without trying to solve everything for them and give advice for every scenario.  Talk things through.  Ask open-ended questions.  Maybe offer words like, “what do you think might be the best thing to do?”  Inspire a wise heart in your kids.  Be timely in your advice, help them to learn to process.  Hold emotions in check, hold back the urge to “react,” but choose to respond in love and wisdom through your words.  Teach your kids to listen to their “gut,” to listen to God’s Spirit leading them, and if they find themselves in an uncertain place, to know it’s OK to get out.

3.  Speak encouragement and truth to their hearts.  Speak it out.  Tell them they are beautiful.  Tell them they are strong.  Remind them that God made them for a great purpose.  Inspire them to know they are meant to change the world.  Tell them they are influencers, they are warriors, and they are cherished by God.  Tell them that their value is never to be found in the approval of others, their weight, or their successes in the world’s eyes.  Tell them they are smart.  Tell them they are valuable.  Tell them that you love them.  Unconditionally.  Forever.  No matter what.  Let them know it’s OK to mess up, that they don’t have to be ”perfect.”  Allow them the chance to fail, and learn, and move forward.  Dads, your daughters and sons need to hear these words from your mouth too!  It brings great blessing and confidence to them in an uncertain world.

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4.  Be there.  Invest time with them.  Hug them.  Be present.  Value them.  Keep the connection strong.  They are jewels in your life.  Don’t take them for granted.  They will move on before you realize they are grown.  Take them on a date sometimes.  Just with you.  Dads, show your daughter how she should be treated by any young man – open her door, make her feel special, honor her.  Teach your boys how highly they should value and respect a girl.  Spend some time doing boy stuff.  Sometimes the best conversations come up when you’re spending time fishing or camping with your son.

5.  Keep your family strong.  Model a good marriage.  You don’t have to be perfect, but show them mutual love and respect within the framework of your marriage.  Love your spouse.  That in itself brings huge confidence to the life of your child in a crazy world.  If you’re a single parent, find others that you trust as you help your kids learn what a good marriage looks like.  Teach them what mutual submission means in a marriage - through a heart after God – that a woman is not responsible to submit to “any” man in the world - but only to her husband under God.  And that a man should never “rule” over a woman as a dictator, but should show her tenderness and care, as Christ loves the church.  Our culture has that mindset so messed up!  Teach your teens that people are never meant to be “objects” for the pleasure of another.  Help them learn to respect themselves and others around them.  Talk to your kids about love and sex at age appropriate levels.  It was never meant to be “one big conversation at one time.”  Have a lot of conversations over a long period of time.

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6.  Protect them.  Set boundaries.  Let them make age appropriate choices as they grow older, but remember you have the final say!  I remember hearing a quote once that said, “say yes, whenever you can, because there are so many times when you have to say no.”  We’ve started trying to follow that advice.  We say “yes” whenever it’s possible, but there are many times we must say “no.”  There may be some days that our children may not “like” us now, but there will be many more days ahead that they will thank us for saying “no.”  Children, tweens, teens - need boundaries.  We all do – no matter what our age.  Though sometimes the word “no” is hard to swallow by our kids, there is much security and confidence to be found in knowing we are protected by boundaries.  Teach them that they, too, can say “no,” that they can set boundaries against temptations as well.

7.  Encourage healthy friendships.  Help them NOT to focus so much on the “girlfriend/boyfriend” craze that our culture might think is “cute.”  As parents, I think we’re all well aware of the texting battle, sexting, calling, sending pictures, and the danger that technology may pose to one who’s not using wisdom.  Have conversations, many, about what is appropriate behavior, and what is not!  Limit time spent with just one person of the opposite sex.  Encourage hanging out in groups, rather than one on one dating.  Be aware of bullying.  Be aware of aggressive behavior.

8.  Inspire greatness.  Believe in them.  Remind them that God can do anything through their lives.  Teach them how to dream – big.  Show them that you’re not afraid to dream yourself.  Challenge them to think outside the box.  Encourage them to do hard things.  Show them how to reach for the stars.  Give them opportunity to do what they love most in life.  Help them to find what they’re good at.  Remind them that they never have to live under the expectations of others.  Model what it is to truly serve others or give to others, who cannot repay you.  Inspire gratitude that isn’t based on what you own, clothes, or materialistic things.

dream big

9.  Teach them Truth.  Make sure they have a Bible.  Let them know how important it is to you.  Buy a devotional that they can relate to, there are so many  great ones out there.  Let your children see you reading it.  I remember some years ago, I’d try to get my quiet time done before our kids even woke up, nothing wrong with that, but God reminded me once that they need to SEE me reading it too.  So, on many days, I’ll leave it open on our kitchen counter, read it through the day here or there, or speak out a story or word to them from time to time.  Inspire a love for His Word.  Be a model, be an example, of what you believe in.  Lead them to know the One who will keep their steps firm in a shifting world.  The saying is so often true, “faith is caught, not taught.”

10. Take them to church.  Find a place you trust.  Help your kids to connect in an atmosphere that is safe and teaches truth.  They need friends who believe in God, who will encourage and challenge their Christian walk!  They need to know they’re not alone.  Churches are never perfect.  People are never perfect.  But that’s no reason to stay at home.  Find connection with other believers.  Just as you don’t allow your kids to decide whether or not they go to school, don’t allow them to make the choice of whether or not you go to church.

11. Bless them.  Literally.  Speak words of blessing over their lives.  Speak encouragement.  Speak out what you see in them.  In the Old Testament, we read so often of the importance of “blessing” our children.  Parents – give them your blessing at every stage of life.  Put your hand on their head, speak out wisdom, pray over them.  I know, may sound crazy, but believe me, it will mean the world to your kids.

12. Pray for them.  If you aren’t praying for your kids, who is?  They need us to pray.  They depend on us to pray.  They  will be faced with daily temptations, battles, traps, just as we are.  God has given us children to parent, to love, to raise, but He wants us to pray for them.  Ultimately, our children belong to Him.  We do not “own” them.  They are not our “possessions.”  God has graciously given them to us to care for during these years.  Take seriously the spiritual legacy you have opportunity to leave in their lives.  You may not always be here to parent them.  But you are leaving deep impressions in their hearts by praying, by teaching them His Truth, by giving them guidance to know the God who loves them so much.

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Parents, we have a voice – choose to raise your children differently than the world tells you to.

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the battle within…

April 24, 2013 By

she seemed to have it all – beauty, talent, a nice house, well-behaved children, adoring husband, a heart after God, a truly successful and seemingly perfect life.  it made my flaws seem much more – flawed.  enter - jealousy.   my jealousy.

a jealous heart.  envy.  the green-eyed monster.  the battle within.

it seethes secretly behind a forced smile.  it lashes out through morsels of gossip.  it rules the darkened covetous heart that would try to hide the truth.  it rages terrible lies and distorted views of reality.  it raises its ugly head seeking to bring destruction to those who would stand in its path.

hard heart

Sounds awful doesn’t it?  It is.  And admittedly, a struggle I’ve walked out over time.  The battle within my own heart that daily challenges many others in our world.  If you find yourself there, you’re not alone.  It’s just not talked much about.  We justify our feelings.   It’s swept under the rug.  It’s kept in the neat little compartmentalized box of our heart.  But it’s there.  Waiting to bring you down.

According to Webster, the word jealous means “resentful and envious, as of someone’s success, achievements, advantages.”

Jealousy and envy are closely related.  “Jealousy is feeling threatened that someone will take what is yours.  Envy is feeling resentful that someone has, or is getting, something that you want, or feel is more rightfully yours.”  The common link between the two is that  jealousy and envy are both made real when I “want” what another person has.  I want to look like them.  I want the success they have achieved.  I want the job they have.  I want to own what they own.  I want to be who they are.  I want the relationships that are theirs.

I realized over time that quite simply, jealousy is never about the “other” person.  It’s about me.  My fault.  My sin.  My weakness.

And that is the first step to freedom from this all too common plague in our culture.

The Truth:

Admit the truth.  Turn to God.  Turn away from the jealous heart.  The first step to defeating jealousy begins by changing our thinking.

Release the stress of wanting to be the “best.”  Someone else will always be more successful, more beautiful, more talented, more intelligent, more…more…more…  Let it go.  Be content with who YOU are.  Find your sense of fulfillment and purpose in God.

Expose it for what it is.  It’s wrong.  Stop covering for yourself.  Stop justifying negative feelings towards someone else under the guise of “righteousness.”  “They just bought a bigger house, wow, they should have given that money to a ministry.”  “She may be talented, but did you see what she was wearing?”  “Yes, he’s a great speaker, but seems a little prideful to me.”

The Warning:

Over time, when jealousy is allowed to grow and reign in a life – it will most assuredly lead to much more:

A distorted view of God – “He must love them more than me.”

A distorted view of ourselves – “I deserve what they have.”

A distorted view of others – “They shouldn’t have that.”

Complaining spirit.

Bitterness.

Anger.

Resentment.

Pain.

Destruction.

It is like a cancer, a malignant growth that will darken your spirit and soul.  We are wasting precious days of life with controlling, negative emotions when we choose to walk this path.

The Why:

So, seriously, “why” do we react towards others with such ugly emotions as this?  Jealousy comes from deep roots within.  Sometimes the reasons are many and varied and often this destructive pattern is built over years.  Here’s a few common sources -

We compare ourselves to others.

We are insecure.

We are afraid.

We feel a sense of entitlement.

We are “me” focused.

The Help:

Stop comparing yourself to others.  Find the greatness and strengths within yourself.  God has given YOU so much.  Focus on how to use those gifts to be a blessing to others, instead of wanting what you do not have.  His purpose for you is unique.  Embrace it.

Believe the truth of what God says about you.  Stop the negative self-talk.  It will lead you down a steep path towards destructive thinking and depression.  God believes the best within you.  Choose to believe it yourself.

Stop allowing fear to be a trap in life.  We live in so much fear in this world.  Worry, stress, fear of the future, fear of rejection, fear of failure – it’s too much.  Choose to set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on the earth.  Stop living for the approval of other people, you will never please everyone.

Stop the complaining.  Practice thankfulness.  True gratefulness does not leave room for whining about what we don’t have.  We often want what others have, but we’re not willing to put forth the effort that they might have worked at, in order to achieve their goals.

Stop focusing on yourself or worrying about “you” so much.  Choose to walk in the opposite spirit of jealousy – walk in love.  Walk in the spirit of encouragement towards others.  Speak a kind word.  Offer help.  Celebrate with others in their joys or success.  Stop holding back from doing what would be kind to do, or to say.  It is often a “choice,” not dependent on how we “feel,”  but in time, we actually begin to live fully in all the freedom that it brings.

The Hope:

There is hope.  When you begin to change your thinking and walk in truth, time goes by and you realize that the things that once made you feel jealousy, no longer do.  Its grip loosens.  The chains fall away.  The ugly monster is silenced by beauty from deep within.  Replaced by sheer grace.  God’s grace.  In Him, there is freedom.  Walk in it.  Breathe.  Peace.

He shines over you...

“A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.”  Proverbs 14:30

“Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?”  Proverbs 27:4

“For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing.”  James 3:16

“Love…does not envy.”  1 Corinthians 13:4

 

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Orange Julius – the make at home recipe

April 23, 2013 By

Ever visit Orange Julius at the mall?  If you like that, you may like this too.   We’ve made it at home for years and our kids have always loved it.  So, with their stamp of approval and the tested-through-time recipe at hand – thought we’d share.  It’s just good.   And always refreshing on summer days.  The measurements are approximate, I don’t really measure anymore – but it’s a start.  Tweak it as you’d like for your own taste!

orange julius at home

Orange Julius – the make at home recipe:

1 12 ounce can of frozen orange juice

1 cup milk (maybe a little less)

1 cup water

1/4 cup sugar (maybe more or less, depending on your taste)

1 tsp. vanilla

crushed ice – enough to fill the blender – I like the drink icy and thick.  Use less ice for a smoother drink.

Blend it all together and there’s your summer orange smoothie drink.  We’ve also used frozen strawberries for a berry drink!

Enjoy. (:

 

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what the world will teach our kids – if we choose not to

April 19, 2013 By

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its’ a scary thought, but a somber one too.  the world stands ready to help us in our feelings of inadequacy as parents.

and, don’t worry – if you’re too busy, or unaware, the world is there once again, standing by, ready to teach our children all kinds of “truth.”

it seems to have much to say these days – really, I guess it’s always been that way.  but maybe in this new technology generation, there’s just a multitude of ways to shout it aloud.

spiritual beliefs – if you don’t know much about God or what you believe about spirituality, the world will offer all types of opinions.  maybe some truth here and there, but among many lies.  ready to be snatched up and received by young people diligently seeking truth, searching for purpose in a meaningless existence.  it will tell your child – what does it really matter what you believe anyway?  everyone goes to heaven – all roads lead to God, right?

money - if you don’t like to talk about money, the world has much to say about that too.  it will teach our kids that having a lot of money is the most important thing to strive towards in life.  after all, it is what makes one happy, isn’t it?  money makes the go round, get all you can – nice car, beautiful home, designer everything…it will tell your child to go after it, all,  get it – at any cost.  it will drive them headlong into debt, because of course, why wait for anything - ”buy now, you deserve it” is the mantra they cry.

sex – if you feel uncomfortable talking about sex, the world has got you covered.  they seem to know a lot about sexuality and marriage - or the lack of the need for marriage when it comes to sex.  your child may have to sort thru some varying opinions and differences, but they will get an earful from those who really don’t mind talking about it.  they will learn to see people simply as objects, to see that nothing is really wrong with pornography because “who’s it hurting anyway?”, and will not stop at anything to get what they’ve been told they rightfully deserve.

success – if you’re not quite sure what to tell them about being successful in this life, that’s OK, the world knows all about success.  just look at Hollywood.  they will tell our children simply to model their existence after any one of those “famous” people, and of course you’ll be successful!  after all, it’s all about looking just right, who you know, and the drive to get to the top – no matter how you get there.  fame, money, success – what else does one need for a great life?

morality – if you don’t want to come across as boring or old-fashioned, the world is most definitely on your side.  if it’s legal – it’s OK, right?  and even if it’s not, you can maybe push the limits, as long as you do it in your own home.  heavy drinking?  drugs?  party lifestyle?  you only live once.  who needs moral absolutes in a world of fifty shades of grey?

we must start talking.  we must teach our kids the values we hold dear.  we must stop being too busy.  we must stop letting the world dictate what truth is.  our children are our future.  pray.  speak the truth.  dig in your heels.  stand strong.  point them to God.  they need to hear from us.  leave a legacy of treasure and truth implanted deep within their souls.  they will still have to make their own choices as they grow – but we can be the trusted influence they need to set them on the right course.  believing more than ever - that they are destined to make a positive impact in this world.

God is with us – He has great purpose for our children – and He has great purpose for you.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29:11

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